"Get your crap together, India."
And it's off to the races.
Every Wednesday, our office partakes in a joyful yet academic analysis of last night's episode of New Girl. For those of you who aren't familiar with this show, let me summarize: cute yet quirky (I will NOT type the word "adorkable") girl meets three emotionally dysfunctional single dudes and moves into a ridiculously huge loft which, given their respective employment histories, they could never afford. And. Hilarity. Ensues.
If you're wondering whether or not you should start DVRing the show, here's a quick litmus test:
Watch the clip below for as long as you can.
Did you make it to the seagulls flying by? You'll probably like the show.
Did you bail out as soon as Zooey Deschanel flung off that lime-green comforter? You will hate all A-plot stories featuring the main character.
If you are on the fence, keep in mind that the ZD quotient does vary from episode to episode. One week you'll get a show chock full of ballet flats, high-waisted shorts, and teapot decoupage. The next week, it's all-out binge-drinking, True American style, with varying levels of nudity. The former has high ZD, the later is more heavy on the Schmidtism. Schmidtism refers to the character of Schmidt, one of the roommates who suffers from an overly earnest desire to mover from Player to Playa. (As in a ladies man, not a beach.) Picture everything John Mayer does. Now take away the money, the guitar skills (skillz?), and the authenticity. You're left with Schmidt.
Side note: know what's a fun game? Looking at a quote and trying to figure out if it was said by Schmidt or John Mayer. Here, say it with me. Who's ready to play....
GUESS!
THE!
D-BAG!
That game is tougher than it seems, ain't it.
The good thing about Schmidt is that he's the acidity to the ZD base. They balance each other out so that, by the end of an episode, your stomach isn't violently convulsing from too much aspartame or too much Jaeger. (I'm assuming you can figure out which goes with which.)
In what I hope will become a weekly post idea, here is the SPOILER-LADEN review of last night's New Girl episode, Table 34, courtesy of the hard-working employees in 244Hitch.
Disclaimer: this post will make no sense if you did not watch the most recent episode of New Girl. I suggest you either
- open up a new Internet browser window, watch it, and come back when you're done, or
- forget this post, Google the phrase "John Mayer Quotes," and enjoy the shock-and-awe of those results.
Lessons Learned
(This is where we break it down for ya.)
- Winston gets his mojo back.
- Schmidt gets the best lines and the best turban.
- Nick gets to moonwalk out of awkward conversations.
- The culture of India gets pwned. (Because I know I have some relatives over the age of forty reading this blog, I feel the need to point out that there isn't a typo in that last sentence.)
- Nick and Jess really "get" structural engineering when it comes to newspaper and masking tape.
- The television-viewing audience gets a view of an Indian Marriage Convention. (Is that a real thing?)
- We all get to look inward and ponder that dark, soul-searching question, "To what table would I be assigned?"
Wait ... I Don't Get It
(This is where we punch holes in the New Girl boat about things that don't jive with us. Or we just rant.)
- Why did Sam the doctor make such a big deal about Nick and Jess kissing? Wasn't he chanting "KISS! KISS! KISS!" a few hours earlier during True American? Plus, when he and Jess first started seeing each other, I believe it was a Friends With Benefits arrangement. Sure, it grew into something more over time, but can a guy who used to look for hitting it / quitting it situations really be that prudish about a kiss? And does no one recall when he broke up with Jess during Halloween, because she wanted something serious, only to come crawling back in cliff-hanger fashion for Christmas? Jess, you earned some credit with that. Cash in those chips, girl.
- Why does kissing Winston automatically mean that you will not appear in the next episode? This is also known as the Stockholm Shelby Syndrome. We really liked Daisy from last episode. Finally, someone for Winston to banter with who doesn't just sit there like a turd in a punch bowl. We have hopes that Winston and Daisy will last enough to register as a full-fledged New Girl Relationship. (B-Plot in at least three of the next five episodes.) But with our luck, given that Winston and Daisy had such great chemistry, the writers will ditch the relationship. The thought process always seems to go like this:
- Winston gets a really interesting character development moment -->
- Audience loves it -->
- Next episode, no mention of the previous moment is made and Winston is instead given an lame story point -->
- Audience hates it and feels Winston's talents are being wasted -->
- Writing team think GREAT! and keeps that ineffective story line for Winston for the next five episodes.
- (Of course, I am referring here to Shelby. She lasted the longest of any external significant other on the show. It took forever to kill her off story-wise.)
- In the meantime, we'll hold off creating a Shipper name for Winston and Daisy until we know whether this plotline has staying power or will trail off.
- Nick really squandered an opportunity there at the end with Jess to earn some points with her by comforting her during her breakup. It started out okay. Dancing like a fool to get her to smile while she sips on a rosé wine and listens to Taylor Swift? That part was genius. And it ended okay, with a very disconcerting by earnest attempt at a hug. But the part in the middle? Where he starts talking about how he's never been a home wrecker before and it feels kind of good, or proud, or something? Dude, focus. This isn't about you right now. Jess seemed to take it well, but that seemed like a stretch given how upset she was.
Next Week's Hopes and Dreams!
(This is where we provide our predictions for future episodes. Inventive title, eh?)
- Daisy WILL make another appearance. Hey, she's got a great voice for radio. Maybe they'll use her as a vehicle to revive that plot line where Winston got his own sports talk radio show. You know, the one we never hear about anymore?
- CeCe WILL start dating one of those hot Indian guys from the Marriage Convention. Schmidt WILL make a reference to naan with sexual overtones.
- Nick WILL start to shower, since Jess said he would look "smokin' hot" in a previous episode if he just took better care of himself. He will also start rocking more button-downs and fewer t-shirts and hoodies. (The key to Nick's emotional state are his sartorial choices. Collared shirt = Nick happy. Anything fleece = Nick sad.)
- Winston and Daisy's new name WILL be ... Waisty. Or Dainsty. Or Winsy. Or Daiston...
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