Then this happened.
G: I think they're gonna use the whole kit and caboodle.
Me: That's such a weird phrase.
G: It is.
Me: What do cats have to do with anything?
Just when I let my guard down. At least it wasn't as bad as using scatological in work meetings for years on end. Still, the realization that something I had assumed to be correct for so long was so obviously wrong? Not again.
We have these moments in our relationship a lot, where G discovers things that I don't know. He gets this distinct look in his eyes. A particular cocktail of emotion. Deep disbelief with just a splash of pity.
I see it a lot. Case in point: February 2, 2017.
We all remember the tale of Groundhog Day, right? It takes place somewhere in Pennsylvania, a town with a name that is impossible to spell but we are pretty sure has an x somewhere in it. In the early morning hours, a groundhog will totter out of his groundhog home, He will take a look around, see his shadow, and either a) freak out or b) just see his shadow, as he sees it literally every other day. Depending on his startle status, the universe will either persist in its onslaught of wintry mix or will bestow upon the earth the warm embrace of spring.
Okay. So. I always knew the whole ground-rodent-will-predict-weather part was a farce, However, it wasn't until this past week that I discovered how deep the lies ran. I figured that, at some point, there was a groundhog who came out of his wintry home in the wee hours and the tenants of the town waited behind blockades with bated breath, observing his behavior through binoculars and determining whether he was, in fact, scared of his own shadow. The weather? Sure, they can't control. But they at least bring to bear the aspects of the tradition that can actually happen, right?
WRONG.
Last week G and I celebrated Groundhog Day with Chinese takeout and a screening of the 1993 film starring Bill Murray. Over and over again, the film showed Bill Murray's character reliving February 2 and begins at Gobbler's Knob. A crowd surrounded a raised platform where men dressed in top hats and overcoats reached into a stump, pulled out a groundhog, and pretended to listen to whisperings from the rodent before announcing the shadow-startle-status-slash-weather-forecast
I get that a formal ceremony is warranted. But how did the groundhog even see his shadow amidst the camera flashes? And of course he's going to be spooked in this moment. He just woke up, got grabbed by the scruff, and held up like Simba in The Lion King to a mass of strangers, cheering and chatting and drinking. I just assumed that, earlier in the day, a quieter ritual took place where the groundhog actually emerged and his level of fear was assessed.
I just assumed that the film wasn't showing us the actual shadow-spotting aspect of the day. That must take place in the wee hours of the morning, quiet and observant. Like those nature documentaries on PBS I always flipped by on my way to Eureka's Castle.
After Murray's third replay of February 2, I had some questions...
Actual(ish) Transcript
Date: February 2, 2017
M: So where does the groundhog part happen?
G; It's at Gobbler's Knob.
Me: No, like the actual shadow spotting. Like where the groundhog comes out of its burrow and they try to tell if he's scared or not.
G: What are you talking about?
Me: You know. The whole shadow-scare-leads-to-weather thing.
G: Oh that's not real.
Me: Of course I get that it's not real. But, like, when does it actually happen?
G: When does what happen?
Me: The groundhog comes out of its home.
G: That part? We just saw it.
Me: Well t can't live in that stump, that's in the middle of town. He's gotta live somewhere else. What about the other time when he comes out? Where they tell if he's scared of his shadow?
G: I'm confused. They just did it the shadow prediction part.
Me: No they didn't. They just yanked him out of that stump. How could they tell if he even saw his shadow, let alone if it spooked him? There must be something that happens beforehand where he comes out on his own and they see if he runs or not. Maybe there's like a snowy hill where he normally lives.
G: .... you think ... there's an actual point where they actually try to see if the groundhog is scared of his shadow? Like, they hide and watch?
Me: Yeah.
G: I don't think that happens. It's just a funny tradition about the weather.
Me: Of course, the weather prediction isn't true. But the groundhog part is true.
G: Yes, there is a groundhog...that's true. But none of the rest of it happens.It's just a show.
Me: What?
G: They just make it up.
Me: They make what up?
G: Whether or not his shadow scared him.
Me: Yeah, they obviously can't KNOW if it scared him.
G: What I'm saying is that they never actually let the groundhog walk out and see his shadow. It's just a story.
Me: .... but...
G: This ceremony at Gobbler's Knob is it. That bit where those top hat guys pretended to listen to the groundhog? That's where they "find out" if he was scared of the shadow.
Me: ...
G: You thought that the groundhog actually comes out and sees his shadow?
G: You thought that the groundhog actually comes out and sees his shadow?
Me: Yes. Because that's what they SAY they do.
G: It's just a story. I didn't realize you didn't know that.
Me: ....
G: Babe?
Me: ....
G: You okay?
Me: I feel empty.
G: *hands me another egg roll*
Final fun fact: did you know woodchucks and groundhogs are the same creatures? Another thing I had never heard before. I swear I paid attention in school.
