Hello, My Name Is...

That's right, I'm blogging. I tried to resist. I staved off Facebook until I was two years out of graduate school. I still have yet to tweet. But the opportunity to type my ramblings on a rarely visited site in any font of my choosing? For FREE? This is what it feels like to be an American.

I sense that the first entry for any blog is supposed to have some kind of mission statement for the whole endeavor, a founding charter or something. Well, here's the long and short of it: I've hit the character limit on Facebook one too many times. Some things require elaboration, Zuckerberg, and your fascist rationing of 400 characters per status update is just not cutting it anymore. Plus, I need to tone up those creative muscles. So, unfortunately for you, you may find that reading entries will be akin to sitting on a bench, slurping an iced coffee, peering through the wall-sized windows at seemingly insane creatures in the the gym across the street. Granted, workout voyeurism can definitely be entertaining. But, as the creators of LOST taught us, for every shirtless Sawyer, a Hurley must fall. Fair warning: there will be some days where this online workout facility will feature the equivalent of some Pillsburied soul sweating and straining to hold the plank position. Forearms shaking, knees buckling, neck rolls straining to beat each other to the chin finish line. That human can of popped biscuits is me. And I see you with that iced mocha, all toned eloquence and a six-pack of witticisms you maintain with a short jog every two weeks...

See? That last metaphor? Now you understand what I'm up against.

So welcome to this little blog! If you have enjoyed the emails and letters I've sent over the years, documenting my (mostly) embarrassing moments and (biannually) insights, this will be familiar territory. For those of you who have not enjoyed said emails, I understand if this first visit will be your last. Just make sure to follow me on your way out. :-)

By the way, for those of you who have ever started your own blog, riddle me this: did you feel a huge sense of pressure about the particulars of your personal Internet home? Or is that just me? Because I literally spent hours trying to find the perfect color palate to complement a picture of toast. I even drafted seven versions of just that small caption below the blog title. Seven. For example, here was my first draft:

Seriously. That was Draft One. Seven versions later, I decided to go with the one currently displayed at the top of the page. Yes, that is a quote from Nacho Libre, the titular character of the 2006 Jack Black joint. And yes, by that point I was willing to accept any port in the storm. Even a port dressed up as a masked Mexican professional wrestler.